She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
