omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
