She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
