Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
