she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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