It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
