I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
