i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
