i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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