I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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