i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
