I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
