We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
