walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
