My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
