i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
