Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
