I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
