also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
