Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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