im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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