Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ladies don't puke and tell
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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