i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
