Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
