just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
