She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
