As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
