Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
