Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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