im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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