by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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