Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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