Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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