Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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