I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
