He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You ruined the universe
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
