I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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