lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
