Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
