so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
