some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
