I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
