She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
