Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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