Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
