I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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