Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
