dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
