Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
