Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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