I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
