you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
