could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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